


unlit

by princeshinu



Category: Hunter X Hunter, anime - Fandom, hxh
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-01 06:53:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4010098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princeshinu/pseuds/princeshinu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you are the light<br/>sometimes, you shine so brightly, i must look away<br/>but even so<br/>is it still okay if i stay at your side?</p><p>Killua Zoldyck is a senior in high school whose apathetic, lacks empathy, and never speaks a word. Gon Freecss is new in the same high school who is friendly, caring and hardly ever stays silent. What could happen?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi !! im elizabeth and this is my killugon fic because otp honestly
> 
> my wattpad: wattpad.com/user/princeshinu  
> this story will occasionally have swearing, PDA, and deals with serious matters such as depression, suicide, fighting, angst, etc.  
> this is an aged up version of killua and gon, in an au of which they attend high school.

The woman tucked a piece of her light blonde hair behind her ear and cleared her throat.

"Killua is remarkably intelligent for a boy his age, it's very rare to see him do poor on an assignment or test" The blonde woman spoke.

The darker haired woman who sat on the other side of the desk smiled.

"That isn't surprising, my Killu has always excelled in school." She beamed, proud of her young son.  
The blonde woman smiled nervously in response.

"However..." She tensed as she began to speak.

"I do have some concerns. Or one, I should say" She said.

The darker haired woman's smiled faded as the blonde swiveled her chair around to the other side of her messy desk in search of something.

She rummaged through papers and projects until she paused, and picked up a single sheet of paper, handing it to the darker haired woman.

On the sheet of paper in a big, black font read " **AUTISM, ASPERGER'S, ANXIETY, SOCIAL DISORDERS, ETC SIGNS IN YOUNG CHILDREN** ".

"Now I know what you're thinking" The concerned, lighter haired woman began.

"I'm only concerned because while Killua is an astounding student, who is very smart, he lacks in the social compartment. He never speaks to others, including me. In order for him to answer a question he has to write it on a whiteboard and show it to me. When it is recess he sits alone, and when its lunch he eats al-"

"Are you sitting here telling me my son is autistic? Are you implying i'm a bad mother?!" The darker haired woman raised her voice.

"I didn't mean that at all! It wasn't my intention to come off as t-" The blonde attempted to defend herself.

"If Killua is doing good in school, and is as smart as you say he is, I see no problem. Mind you're own business. I came here to see what my son's grades were, not to be told how I should parent my child!" The darker haired woman slammed the paper on the desk, grabbed her bag, and stormed out.

The blonde women sighed, picked up the crumbled up piece of paper and stared at it anxiously.


	2. shitty bus rides

A warm, consuming, fluid doused my body. It's so inviting, but in my nerves I feel a raw, stinging pain. What is this torment?

I struggle to open my eyes due to the stickiness of my sweat and the humidity of the room to which I am in. Now that I can see, everything is blurry, until I can make out that I am in what looks to be a bathtub, but I am not bathing in bath water. All that surrounds me is a deep, red liquid that reeks of iron and metal.

I struggle to sit my aching body up, I can hardly move. I look down to see wounds on my arms - fresh. However, while I feel pain I do not feel discomfort. Almost a relief, instead. Am I dying? Did I do this to myself?

I suddenly feel a wave of sleepiness almost, as my body loses its ability to move, my muscles feel like rubber and my nerves are overwhelmed by agony. My head slips under, and my lungs feel like they're going to burst. I hear a loud, beeping sound, and then my whole body jolts forward and i'm in my bedroom.

It takes me a minute to comprehend that I was dreaming, it's been so long since i've last had one. After I awake from a night terror I always feel out of it almost, like i'm not myself. I turn to see my phone's alarm going off, and I sigh. I always get my night terrors when i'm anxious about something. I guess that's how my subconscious grieves. 

I reach and grab my phone, the brightness of the screen practically burning my eyes out their sockets. I turn my alarm off, lay back down, and pull the covers to my bed around myself.

I should probably be eating or getting ready but I value sleep more than either of those choices. 

Except I can't sleep. All I can do is lay here thinking of anything else I would rather be doing right now than preparing to go to school. I force my drained body out of bed and look through the scattered pile of clothes on my floor in search of something to wear. I pull a navy sweat shirt over my bare torso and I pull on some plain dark blue jeans. 

Due to my unorganized self, I slide a black sock onto my left foot and a grey one onto my right. I slip on my sneakers and tie them. I grab my book-bag, run my fingers through my hair, pick up my phone, and leave my room. In my kitchen is my fat trash of a brother eating some cereal (more like half the box) and my mother sitting at the dinner table with him, reading something.

My mother looks at me. "He's in his room" She says. God, I hate her. I know I shouldn't say I hate my mother but I fucking do. 

I ignore her because I know she only does it to get a reaction out of me. She thinks that if she misgenders Alluka i'll yell at her and that's what she wants so I never do. I walk to Alluka's room and knock, however there is no answer. I open her door a crack and peer through. 

She is looking at herself in the mirror again. She sits on the floor in front of her mirror and stares at herself, sometimes talks to herself. I walk in slowly.

"Nanika" I say to her. She is the only person I speak to. I know she is not Alluka right now, if I call her Alluka she won't answer.

Nanika turns around and faces me. 

"Killua" She says, in a way of acknowledging my presence. 

"I'm walking you to your bus stop, remember?" I attempt to remind her. She nods in response. She stands up, grabs her bag and walks with me.

She always becomes Nanika when she is scared, or is in an uncomfortable situation. Alluka was diagnosed with MPD - Multiple Personality Disorder when she first started going to school. Our mother is very in denial about it, and refuses to accept Alluka, because the Zoldyck's have to be the "perfect family", no flaws or anything according to her. 

Alluka is the only one I trust. She has never done me wrong, nor would I ever think she would. We only have each other.

I'm so paranoid that Alluka will be bullied for who she is, she already has to deal with enough at home and it would kill me to see her hurt anymore than she already does.

We leave and I hold her hand as I walk her down the street. She is completely silent. Unlike Alluka, Nanika is more distant. Alluka has told me in the past that Nanika protects Alluka from getting hurt, and that Alluka can only come out when Nanika feels Alluka is safe. 

As we walk, the sun begins to rise and I dread the thought of having to leave her though I know I have no choice.

A few blocks down, and we're at her bus stop. I put my hands on her shoulders and look at her.

"Hey. Remember if anyone gives you trouble, tell me alright?" I reassure her. She nods. 

"I have to go to my bus stop now, but just.. remember alright? I love you" I tell her. She nods again in response. I pat her on her head and ruffle her hair and leave to go to my bus stop. I'm so worried for her all the time.

I arrive at my bus stop and I can tell you I am not happy to be here right now. I pull my ear buds out of my pocket and listen to music as my peers among me hug and rejoice and talk about how much they've missed each other and how they haven't seen each other in 'forever'.

"Neon I missed you so much!" A blonde girl said the blue haired one called Neon.

One of the cons of living in a richer neighborhood is you're surrounded by snobs who think they are better than everyone else. 

Though my family is like that, me and Alluka have never acted that way. 

My thoughts were interrupted by my headphones being rude fully ripped out of my ears. Before I could react I see him. Phinks. One of the biggest assholes in my shitty neighborhood. Every year he wants to fight me, and every year I beat him. He thinks because he is an only child and his parents spend every single penny on him he's better than me. I try to avoid him but being forced to take the bus its unavoidable. 

I am sure he could get a ride to school, i'm pretty convinced the sole reason he takes the bus is to fuck with me. I've never said a word to him, he used to give me shit in grade school, then middle school and he still continues to do it, even in high school. 

"Killua Zoldyck, you still have nothing to say to me? You're that much of a pussy?" He taunts me in his cliché high school bully voice.

Before I can react, however, the bus pulls up and I have never been more happy to see the bus in my life. Sure, Phinks could keep fucking with me but that would result in a suspension and poor Phinks parents would be so disappointed in him. 

I get on the bus, and move towards the back. I sit in one of the empty seats, and continue listening to my music. I see Phinks sitting with one of his lady friends a couple seats away from me with a very angry look on his face. My first day of senior year has not been something too great so far. 

They say high school is the best four years of your life, I have to disagree, however.


	3. fifth period

I tap my pencil against my desk as I exhale deeply. I found my way to first hour after getting off my bus and going through hell to avoid Phinks. I chose a seat in the back of class, it's been five minutes since the bell rang and the teacher still has yet to show up. Everyone is either talking or reuniting.

I look around and see more familiar faces than not. That rich Neon girl is in in my first hour sadly, the same one who lives in my neighborhood. I see a new girl with blonde hair sitting near the front reading, but that's about it. 

Finally, the teacher shows up. He is pretty tall, and he has glasses and darker hair. 

"This is twelfth grade English so if you are in the wrong place, raise your hand." He states. Nobody raises their hand.

"I'll begin by introducing myself. I am Knov, and i'll be taking attendance now considering i'm already behind enough as it is." He says.

He begins to run off a list of various people until he comes to one I do not recognize. 

"Kurapika" He says, and the blonde from earlier's hand raises. 

"Here" He says in a quiet voice and I feel shitty for thinking he was a she.

Some more names were listed off.

"Neon Nostrade" He calls. Neon's hand arose.

"Here!" She pipes up in her high pitched voice. 

I'm always last during role call do to the first initial of my last name being Z. Knov finally reads off my name.

"Killua Zoldyck". He struggled pronouncing my last name. Everyone does. 

I raise my hand in the air in response. He puts down his binder and goes on about how he expects us not to slack off and blah blah this and blah blah that. Time passes by achingly slow as I doodle in my notebook. The first week of school is always pointless because we never learn anything.

I chew on my nail and stare at the clock until finally the bell rings. I grab my belongings, and head to second hour.

Once I get to third hour I can't stop thinking about Alluka. I hope she is doing okay, it's her first day of middle school and i'm just worried okay. I can hardly pay attention until I see Phinks and two of his friends walk in. Of course I have a class with him, my luck I think to myself.

Phinks gives me a look and sits down in a seat across the room from mine, thankfully. The teacher begins to speak and all I can think about is going home. I don't like home, but I like it a lot more than school. 

I play a few games on my phone to pass time, you aren't supposed to be on your phone but after all these years I have gotten pretty good at hiding it if I do say so myself. The teacher who I learned is called 'List' actually hands out something, but it's just a piece of paper that we need signed so we can watch rated R movies. I'll just forge it later.

When the bell rings for third hour, it's now lunch for me. I slip the sheet into a folder and tuck it in my binder before I leave. 

I hate lunch, most of the time i'm too lazy to pack a lunch and I wouldn't want to waste my money on the shitty school lunches here so I just don't eat. Also, the pressure of finding a lunch seat sucks. Sometimes I don't even go, i'll just sit in the bathroom and play games on my phone.

When I get to the lunch room, I find an empty table, and put my headphones in. I scroll through some random shit to pass time, and to look less of a loner. I do not mind being a loner, but through my experience there is always a kid who acts like its his job to sit by me when I like being alone, I prefer to be alone.

To involved in my music I cease to notice somebody sitting at the same table as me. I look over and the end of my table I see the same blonde boy from my first hour. Why is he sitting here? Usually new people are surrounded by others and molded into popular people. He's just sitting there, reading the same book he was earlier. 

I don't mind, actually. It's not too bad being the only person sitting alone. It's just shocking that he isn't being surrounded by girls.

My thoughts are interrupted when I see a couple boys walk by the blonde boy who I think is named Kurapika. They push his book into his face and he F slur comes out of their mouth. They laugh and walk away, I know one of them is name Leorio but I have no idea who the guy that swore at him was. 

I can understand why he is sitting alone and I instantly feel bad for him. The hero part of me wants to get up and talk to him or kick those guy's asses but the real me stays in his seat full of anger. 

Kurapika, however hardly seemed fazed by this all. Was he used to this? He didn't look like a bundle of joy that's for sure, but if it were me I would either one, be extremely upset or two, be extremely angry. Or a combination of both. As a few minutes pass its time to go to my fourth hour and I regret not doing anything to help him. 

After fourth hour is fifth hour and fifth hour is Math for me, my best subject. I've always been good at Math, well, I have always been pretty good at all subjects but Math is something I almost enjoy. However, when I walk into class and see that instead of individual desks there are small tables with chairs, similar to middle school I sigh. I prefer sitting alone over anything. Also, this gives me the impression that my teacher will be one of those 'fun' teachers. I kinda prefer just getting my work, taking my quizzes/tests, and everything being simple.

I sit at a currently empty table. I'm always early to my classes. 

As the class fills, I see the blonde from before. We make eye contact for mere second, and he walks over to my neglected table and sits down across from me rather than next to me.

He doesn't say anything as he pulls out his book and begins to read. He is always reading. I am almost grateful he sat by me rather than anyone else. I sigh in relief.

The teacher is doing role call, just like all my other teachers. She is not anything I expected her to be, she has long, black hair and blue eyes. She introduced herself as Ms. Siberia. As she is calling various names, she calls Leorio Paladiknight, and I see Kurapika tense up. A few more names are called when suddenly the door opens and a boy rushes in.

"I'm sorry i'm late! I got lost, my locker is on the other side of the school and this is my first year he-" He begins to explain himself when Ms. Siberia interrupts him. 

"Just find a seat, everyone is late today its understandable" She says to him. He nods his head in response. 

I don't think much of this until I realize there are hardly any open seats left. My body stiffens. Please don't sit by me please don't sit by me please don't sit by me. 

He looks around for a moment and we make fucking eye contact. I know he is going to sit next to me. I know it. 

And he does. He walks over to the empty seat next to me, sits down and smiles. He has spiky black hair, bright brown eyes, and he is wearing green shorts accompanied by a green top. He is only a tad bit shorter than I am, and he's just staring at me. Why is he staring at me? I look down at my desk and pull out something to make myself appear busy. 

"..You.. are you Gon Freecss?" Ms. Siberia asks. 

The boy sitting next to me nods in response and smiles again. Why does he smile so much? Ms. Siberia nods and checks his name off.

She continues with role call, and when she gets to my name, I raise my hand, and she crosses my name off. Gon I believe his name is looks at me and Kurapika once she is done. 

"I'm Gon" He introduces himself. 

"Gon Freecss" He laughs. Kurapika looks up from his book and smiles back.

"I'm Kurapika" He says in his quiet voice. This is only the second time I have heard him speak. 

Gon looks at me. 

"And you're.. Killua?" He asks. I nod slightly, regretting walking into this class. I feel awkward, I prefer being alone then being put in awkward situations like these. Gon nods in response, and Ms. Siberia begins talking about the rules of her class. I slouch so low in my seat I wish I could just disappear.


	4. smile

Gon and Kurapika make small talk as I doodle in my notebook as an excuse to look like i'm busy, because I hate being expected to talk.

"So you're new here too?" Gon asked curiously. Kurapika nodded.

"What do you think so far?" Gon questioned, as I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. 

"I can't say I've had the best of first days.." He began, looking down at his lap.

"I have to agree, you guys and a guy called Leorio are the only people that I've actually had a nice conversation with all day!" Gon exclaimed.

What is he even talking about? I never even spoke to him, let alone anybody today. I feel kinda like a jerk for not acknowledging him, however.

Kurapika's smile faded into a frown. 

"Yeah.. I just kind of like to keep to myself.." He says quietly and I actually agree with him on the inside. I feel for this guy. Gon, however, I do not.

Unlike my other teachers, Ms. Siberia actually handed us out problems to do which I am almost grateful for, as it gives us something to do without speaking to one another. 

Except the talking didn't stop, they kept talking. They talked about random things like sports and how Kurapika wasn't too big on sports but Gon loves them, and how Gon was fairly popular in his old school and how Kurapika recently finished a really good book.

I don't understand why i'm always nervous in situations like these. I find it difficult to even write because my hands are shaking, and my palms are coated with a thin layer of perspiration.

The class soon begins to become closer and closer to the end. 

"Well, it was nice to meet you Kurapika!" Gon smiled. He reaches his hand out and gives Kurapika a proper handshake, he's kind of weird, I think. Then he turns to face me and I feel like i'm going to throw up.

"And you too, Killua" He smiles, yet again, except his eyes crinkle more this time. He reaches his hand out to shake mine and I force myself to shake his hand. I'm pretty sure he can feel my sweat as he shakes my hand, but he doesn't react even in the slightest.

I feel like I shook his hand for a little too long, and he finally pulls away and smiles yet again. 

He suddenly looks as if he remembered something, and he reaches and pulls out a folded piece of paper out of his pocket. He unfolds it, and Kurapika and I see it's his schedule. 

"For next period, I have gym." He says. I have gym too, the same class. What are the fucking odds.

I have to take gym, because you are required to take it at least once. Most of my peers got their gym time over with in ninth grade. Me being dumb, decided that if I just kept putting it off I wouldn't have to do it. Wrong. So, in result I am forced to take it for my senior year.  
I'm grateful that I have gym at the end of the day, but i'm still not excited about it whatsoever. 

"I have Creative Writing" Kurapika says. 

Gon turns to me. "Do you know where I have to go?" Gon asks me politely. I panic inside.

Shit. I pull a piece of paper out of my pocket in case something like this were to come up, and with a pen I scribble down,  
'You walk down this hallway left, then you turn right.' Simple enough.

God, I am so fucking embarrassing. This is why I sit alone, to purposely avoid these types of situations. As I silently hand Gon the small piece of paper, Kurapika looks at me and smiles. He is too nice. Gon looks confused for a moment, but then he reads the note and smiles.

"Could I see you're guys' schedules too?" He asks Kurapika and I.

Kurapika takes his class schedule out of his binder and hands it to Gon. I take mine out of my pocket and do the same. 

Gon looks at my schedule and sees I have gym sixth period.

"Then you could show me the way, maybe?" He looks at me with puppy dog eyes. I didn't think this through. 

"We could hang out there together!" He exclaimed. Shit. 

Though, regardless I have a feeling he would have hung out with me there anyway. I'm such an idiot none of this would have happened if I had taken gym in ninth grade like everyone else.

"Do you have to take gym?" Kurapika asked Gon. Gon shrugged.

"No, I already took it a few times at my old school, I'm just taking it because I love gym." He says, whilst I stand here with wobbly knees dreading the thought of gym.

The bell rings, and it's time for sixth period. I walk out and silently hope Gon maybe forgets? He wouldn't forget, maybe he'll change his mind about going to gym with me. 

I think I've lost him until i'm at my locker, and he pipes up from behind me, holding a bag of clothes.

"It's down that hallway, right?" He asks, pointing down the correct way.

I nod. Maybe he'll go by himself? 

Except he doesn't. He stands right by me, patiently waiting. 

I grab my gym bag and walk with him, wordlessly and nervously.

We get to the gym room, and I feel like wimp i'm shaking so bad. Standing next to Gon, I scan the inside bleachers. Everything is fine until I see Phinks sitting there. Fucking Phinks. Of course he would take gym, he loves sports! Sports are his life!! I hate him.

We make eye contact like earlier and he smiles widely. I almost am thankful that I am with Gon, i'm not as vulnerable. Though, he'll probably see me get picked on and do nothing about it. He probably thinks i'm a loser. Not that it matters or anything.

Our gym teacher introduces himself as Razor. I've heard about him before, and I've seen him before. Razor dismisses us to go to the locker room and choose our locker. Gon and I get into the locker room and I immediately walk to the back of the locker room, and choose the locker least likely to be surrounded by others.

Gon decides to follow me and chooses a locker right by mine. What the hell is he thinking? He's ruined everything. I sigh quietly, as I pull my lock out of my bag and hook it in the slot. Gon looks at me and almost mimics my actions. I untie my bag and pull out basketball shorts and plain t-shirt, shoving the bag into my locker. 

Now comes the hard part. Actually changing into my gym clothes.

Though I am happy I don't have to change near the other guys, especially Phinks, i'm still worried about what Gon will think of me. 

I procrastinate for a moment, playing around with my lock when Gon takes off his jacket and folds it nicely. He then is in a plain white tank-top. He pulls it over his head, and I can't help but stare. I know I shouldn't but I can't not notice his nice body. He's tan, and he has a fair amount of muscles showing. Once his shirt is off, I look away and force myself to change. 

I shakily take off my jeans, not facing Gon and quickly pull on my basketball shorts. Then, I pull my sweatshirt over my head and I feel so exposed. I hate my skin because I am so pale and thin. I tug my plain t-shirt over my body and sigh.  
I look back at Gon and he is done changing. He looks so strong I feel like nothing compared to him. 

We walk out and I see Phinks briefly look at me again. I ignore him, and Gon and I go back into the gym room. 

When we get into the gym room, people are running laps and I suddenly regret not taking more time to change. Razor turns to look at us as we stand in the doorway.

"Join in! I don't play around, I won't deal with slackers" He exclaims. 

Gon nods his head and is about to join in. He turns at looks at me.

"Come on Killua!" He giggles. I walk over to him and we begin jogging laps. I struggle to keep up with Gon, he's so fast. After a couple more minutes of running around track, and the constant stomping of the other boys gym shoes around the room, I feel like i'm going to pass out while Gon is still going strong.

I start going a little slower, when Gon looks at me and notices and slows down his pace to reach mine.

"We can get a drink of water if you'd like" He suggests. I nod, out of breath. 

We go to water fountain which is located outside the gym doors. I drink like I haven't drunken in days. When i'm done, Gon takes a quick gulp of water and rubs his forehead with the back of his hand. 

"You don't talk much, do you?" He asks, wiping sweat off the back of his neck.

I tense up. This is it, the one-sided conversation that always happens. I know exactly how this will go and I feel like a fucking idiot for thinking I could ever even have someone slightly as a friend. 

Whenever this question is asked I how it ends. Always. It always ends with the other person saying something like, "Oh.." or being confused or thinking i'm a total asshole when they just don't understand. I can't bring myself to writing it down ever, and I can't tell them.

I can't talk.

I can, my vocal cords are fine but I just, I can't bring myself to talk to others. Alluka is the only exception, I have always talked to Alluka. But anyone else, I can't. Not even my sad excuse of a Mother or that asshole Phinks. It's always been like this. 

I shrug in response to Gon. 

"..Is it.. Are you Mute?" He asks.

God I fucking hate this question. 

I shake my head no and prepare for an awkward response or a possibly even rude response.

I wait.

"....."

"That's okay, I talk a lot so you'll have to do a lot of listening, but if you don't mind that then we should be friends!" Gon smiles brightly, and my whole body that felt like a mess on the inside suddenly feels normal. 

He doesn't want to be friends with me.

He's just too nice. 

He is just saying these things to say them.

Regardless of these pensive thoughts, my body smiles a genuine smile for the first time, in a while. 

I nod, and Gon smiles. 

"Let's go back out there then, yeah?" He says. I nod, again and follow him.

But I can't stop smiling..


	5. bruised and beaten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> poor alluka :(

After a long, shitty first day of gym, the bell finally rings and I breathe a relief. Gon and I walk to the locker room and change into our original garments quickly. Before I leave the locker room, he stops me.

"Hey, Killua I was wondering, could I have your number? To like, talk through text and stuff.." He asked, looking down at his feet. I could feel my face heating up. He's actually asking for my number? As friends right? I know he's probably straight, he probably just feels bad for me.

I apprehensively nod, and reach into my back pocket to pull out the same piece of paper from fifth period but I realize it's no longer there, I must have left it in Math.

Gon realizes this, and puts his right arm out in front of me. 

"Just write it on my arm" He offers. I pull out my pen from my bag, and I place my shaky hand on Gon's toned arm. I write my number down nervously, and once I finish I put my pen back in my bag, and zip it up. 

Both of us notice the time, so we hurry out of the locker room but as we are about to go out separate ways, Gon says rather loudly,

"Killua! I'll text you later!!" and I feel flustered as he disappears around the corner. 

I pull my hood over my mess of hair, and depart to ride my shit of bus.

Once I get onto my bus, I look down at my phone and slouch to avoid Phinks noticing me. 

I put my ear buds in and turn them up to full volume as I shuffle through a playlist I made weeks in advance titled, "Shitty bus rides". Ha.

Eventually, after an obnoxiously long ride the bus stops at my bus stop. I debate if I should try to get off before, or after Phinks. Regardless, he'll still find a way to get to me but I couldn't care less right now. I just want to get home and eat. And sleep.

I end up getting off before Phinks, due to him flirting with some chick. I change my mind from what I said, I do care. I don't feel like getting in a fight today, so I begin to power walk down the street with my hands stuffed in my pockets. 

I arrive home without having to deal with Phinks' bullshit because of him trying to get with some girl who clearly wanted nothing to do with him. Also, my house is only a couple blocks away from the bus stop.

When I get home, I immediately run upstairs into my room and open my bedroom door. I shut it behind me smiling like an idiot. I feel like an idiot.

I wonder when he will text me.

No, I wonder if he'll text me. He probably will forget, he was just being nice, I tell myself. 

Regardless, I still can't help but be happy.

I toss my bag on the floor along with my pile of scattered clothes, lay on my bed and stare at my phone. The light of my phone is the only light source in my room due to my recent hanging of a blanket over my way-to-bright window resulting in my dark yet comfortable room.

Okay, maybe i'm being a little to clingy to idea that he will text me, but it's the only decent, no, good thing that has happened to me all day. Or all week. Maybe all month? I've lost track of time.

Exhausted from my lack of sleep from last night, I pull my blanket over myself, and eventually drift off to sleep in no time.

-

I awake to my body being shook. I sit up and rub my eyes with my sleeve.

I grab my phone immediately, and once I press the home button of it, the light of my screen shows Alluka standing in front of me.

I know it's Alluka because Nanika shows no emotion, or hardly any at the very least.

This is not the Alluka i'm so used to seeing. This is not the Alluka with a smile spread across her face, this is not the Alluka here to tell me how her first day of school wasn't so bad, and this is not the Alluka I expected or maybe hoped to see.

Alluka has a mixture of purple and red surrounding her left eye, accompanied by another swollen red mark on her right cheek. 

"Onii-chan.." She almost whimpers. 

She pulls up her sleeve, and reveals a long, bloody scrape.

I instantly stand up. 

"What happened? Are you okay? No, fuck of course your not okay.." I curse under my breath as I examine her fresh wounds.

"Here come with me.." I say, urging her to follow me to the bathroom located through the hallway, across my room.

I flick the light on, and lift her up onto the bathroom counter. I close the door, because if Milluki were to see her like this he would make some uncomplimentary snide comment.

"Tell me what happened. Who did it." I say in more of a demand than a question.

I open the cupboard below her dangling feet and search for a bandage or something. 

"These boys... they ride my bus.." She began sniffling. 

I find a bandage in the back of the cupboard, pull it out and place it on the counter next to Alluka.

Alluka wipes her eyes.

"They.. on the bus ride back. When I got off, they.." Her words wandered.

"They did this to you?" I ask. I can't help but feel my blood boil at the thought of any little prick messing with her.

She nods, a few tears slide down her cheeks.

God, I'll fucking kill them.

I grab a small hand towel, turn on the sink, and wet it. I ring it out a little and gesture Alluka to lift her sleeve up like before.

She obliges. 

"This might sting a little.." I warn her in advance.

"It's okay." She says.

I lightly place the wet towel on her fresh scrape and she winces slightly.

"Sorry.." I say.

Once i'm done cleaning her wound, I gently wrap it with the bandage. 

"I can't do much about the bruises on your face, so if mom or dad asks or anyone, for that matter just tell them you fell off your bike or something. Unless you want to tell mom b.."

"NO. No, okay I will tell them I fell off my bike because of a rock or something." She quickly says. I knew she wouldn't tell mom, I don't blame her. If she were to, our mom would just make Alluka feel even worst. The only thing my mom is good at is making us feel like shit. Except my older brother Illumi, to her hes a god. We, however are the fucking Antichrist to her.

Alluka hops off the bathroom counter and pulls her sleeve down.

"You can hang out in my room with me if you want." I suggest. She smiles.

"Yeah!" She says almost ecstatically. It's so nice to see her happy.

In my room, I turn the light on and slouch on my bed. Alluka sits next to me and plays some jumping game on her iPod. Her tongue sticks out of the corner of her mouth as she concentrates. 

"Alluka, i'm gonna pick you up from your bus stop from now on. Okay?" I tell her. If one of those fuckers even say anything while i'm around I'll scare them shitless.

She smiles and nods.

"Thank you" She says. 

All I can say back is you're welcome. 

I mess around on YouTube on my phone for awhile until my a phone beeps and a tab pulls down, disrupting my video.

It's from an unknown number and it reads,

"Hey! It's Gon :P This is Killua, right?" 

And I feel my heart practically leap out of my chest.


	6. confronted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sad sad stuff
> 
> also stuff is going on with kurapika and leorio if ya haven't picked that up yet

authors note; i would like to number one, apologize for being very inconsistent of my updating. i have been very uninspired to write lately and i hope i continue getting motivated too. number two, i would like to thank everyone who actually reads my writing, i work hard on it. thank you :) also sorry for any errors in this chapter i haven't proof read it yet due to how long it took to write.

-

I open the text conversation smiling, probably like an idiot. Again.

 

I have no idea what to say. I mean, I don't usually have any issues when it comes to texting, but honestly I don't text much at all..

I type out, "Yeah, this is Killua :)" but then I erase the smiley face because I don't want too seem weird.

I add a 'hey' after Killua so I don't seem too uninterested, and then I daringly press send. Almost seconds later my phone beeps.

"What's up? :)" The text reads. What is up?

I just cleaned up my little sisters wounds and now i'm laying in bed with her trying not to be as worried as I am. I won't tell him that, obviously.

"Nothing much, bored" I send. Simple enough, right?

"What about you?" I add because I don't want our conversation to end yet. 

Technically, this is the first time we are speaking to each other. Except we aren't speaking.

This time, Gon doesn't text back immediately. Alluka looks over at me.

"Who are you texting Onii-chan?" She asks. 

Um. A friend? I'll say that. Gon probably doesn't consider me a friend though.

"Just a friend. From school." I tell her.

"Have you talked to him?" She ponders.

"I'm talking to him right now" I tell her.

"No, you know. Like 'talk' talk to him?" She says riskily. 

"Funny" I tell her.

She sighs, resuming to her game. 

-

Eventually, Alluka gets up and leaves my room when it gets late. I attempt to get some sleep, but it results in me tossing and turning in a sweat full of anxiety for Alluka. And maybe a little for Gon. Just a little.

I sit up and check the time on my phone. It reads, "2:04 AM". I knew it would eventually happen, but not this soon. Usually I sleep little and little as school drags on, but school just started. Why am I already having so much trouble sleeping?

Gon never responded. I don't let myself become too sad though because I am used to being disappointed. 

I reach over to my nightstand and open the drawer. I pull out a bottle of Melatonin, and I grab one. I stand up and walk to the bathroom, and take it. Sometimes they help, or at least I like to pretend they do. Sometimes if I am lucky i'll have the placebo effect. Or maybe they actually work? Tell that to the hours and hours of sleep I have missed in my life.

I pull my sweatshirt off, and I lay back in bed. I try to clear my thoughts by thinking of something - anything. It doesn't work very well, but somehow at around 4 AM maybe I drift off to sleep.

I don't dream about anything this night.

-

My phone alarm goes off and I press snooze. I keep pressing snooze until Alluka is in front of me. 

"Onii-chan! Wake up!" She yells.

I sit up and check my phone to see I literally have 5 minutes until I have to leave. Shit.

I jump up, pull a plain black t-shirt over my head, grab my back and run into the bathroom. In the bathroom, I do the sloppiest job of brushing my teeth and Alluka and I rush out the door.

Walking down the street with Alluka, I run my fingers through my hair in a weak attempt to make myself look somewhat presentable. I'm glad Alluka isn't Nanika right now at least.

She isn't happy though, I can see the worry on her face no matter how much she tries to hide it.

I go to Alluka's bus stop with her and I see some people there. Alluka sees some too, and she stiffens. 

Before we are too close to be heard, I whisper to her. 

"Are those them? The boys who-"

She quickly nods.

"Please don't do anything" She whispers back.

How can I not? It's taking everything for me to not kick their asses. 

We walk up the three boys, all attempting to look bad ass. At least I was never like this. They all remind me of mini Phinks. Gross.

Alluka hides behind me as we wait there. 

There is nothing I can do. I can't beat them up, they're just kids I won't sink that low even though I wish I could. I can't say anything to them, I wish I could do that too. I'm just a coward in the end.

I decide to wait with Alluka. They can't do anything to her if I am here. 

I check the time and see that I need to go to my bus stop or i'll miss my bus. 

I lean down to whisper too Alluka. 

"Alluka I have to go, your bus will be here real soon, right?" I ask. She nods, almost shaking. 

"Onii-chan.. are you going to be able to pick me up from my bus stop? If you don't they will-" She whispers back.

"Yes I will be here, I promise." I feel like the biggest asshole leaving her like this.

"Okay" She says, calming down a bit. 

I make it to my bus stop barely in time, at least I don't have to deal with Phinks fucking with me at the bus stop. Even though I know that won't stop him.

-

School goes by so slow I want to die. We really don't do too much either. God i'm gonna have to face Gon too. He's probably gonna realize how much of a loser I am and give up on talking to me. 

Lunch comes and Kurapika is sitting in the same spot as he did last time reading a book yet again, this time a different one.

My lack of sleep catches up to me by fourth period, and I am exhausted. The end of fourth period makes me freak out almost because I know I will have to see Gon. It's gonna be awkward probably.

I'm still worrying about Alluka, I can't not worry about her.

Finally, the bell rings and I grab my things and go to my fifth period.

I slouch in my seat and Kurapika looks up from his book at me for a split second. Not long after, Gon sits down in the seat next to me eagerly. I become ten times more nervous. Why am I like this all the time oh my god.

"Hey Kurapika" He says to Kurapika. Kurapika smiles to him and puts down his book. They talk about random things and Gon's old school yet again. Gon hasn't said anything this me. 

"Yeah, I guess I don't care much about popularity" Kurapika trailed on to Gon.

"Neither do I! In the end its all about your grades and your friends. I would rather have a couple close friends that will last than tons of friends that won't!" He conveys.

I smile a little but then catch myself. Then Gon turns to me.

"Oh! Killua I wanted to tell you that I am sorry I couldn't continue our conversation last night, my Aunt said if I didn't clean my room I would get my phone taken away." Gon says nervously.

This time when I smile I don't bother to hide it. I nod as an "It's okay" and he smiles back. He's so kind I don't deserve to be treated so nicely.

Ms. Siberia walks in and begins to give us yet more problems to do. Most of the class groans, she must really hate her job.

Nevertheless, I don't mind it. It's kind of awkward when we start doing the 20+ problems on the board because Kurapika and Gon aren't talking much. 

Time passes and I look at Gon's face and he looks extremely confused, his eyebrows are scrunched together in a way I can't deny is cute. 

He turns his head a notices me staring. Shit. He probably thinks i'm weird.

His eyes travel to my paper and he looks shocked. 

"Can you please help me how are you done already!" He exclaims. 

I look at Gon's paper and he has one problem done. But it's wrong. Across the table Kurapika is about half way through the assignment. Huh.

I pull out a lined piece of paper from my binder. At the top I write,

'I could write a step process for you if you want. Or just give you answers' and slide the paper to him.

I don't want to just give Gon answers, but maybe that's what he wants.

"Please Killua write a step process on how to do it for me, I don't want answers because on Tests and Quizzes that won't help me." He says. 

I'm really glad he didn't just want answers. I draw a line to separate my message and begin to write the different steps to solving the equations. In the mean time, Gon still attempts to figure out the equation on his own.

Finally, I finish it when it is the end of class. Of course. I fold up the sheet and give it to him.

"Thank you so much Killua you're a life saver!" He blurts out as the three of us walk out of class together.

Kurapika bumps into Leorio on his way out, and he looks super anxious. 

"I-I'm sorry" He says quietly to Leorio.

"It's fine.." Leorio trails off before he walks away. I could sense the awkwardness from a mile a way. 

Gon nudges me and whispers, "I wonder what that was about.." 

Gym is pretty much like the previous day, except Phinks seemed extra pissed at me.

Before me and Gon part, Gon says he will text me again after school and I feel flutter of happiness.

I walk outside with my bag but somebody grabs me from behind almost like a horror movie and takes me to the side of the school where nobody could see.

I immediately realize it is Phinks and he has my pressed against the concrete wall of the school.

"You thought you could keep avoiding me and bringing that Gon guy around you would protect you?" He practically spits in my face. He then head butts me really fucking hard. What the fuck? 

I try to escape his grasp but he is too strong, and the throbbing pain on my forehead is overwhelming. He then lunges at me and punches me straight in the eye. My sight goes blurry. For a moment, I feel as if I may pass out, but I don't. 

"You're such a damn loser, stop using Gon as a shield and grow some balls" He says, before put me into the wall one last time and running away before he could get caught. 

I can't fucking believe this. I hurry and rush to get to my bus but it is too late, and I miss it. 

Phinks has laid some punches on my in the past but never this bad. My head pounds as I walk home, having no other choice. I would probably be mugged and thrown in a ditch before calling my Mother to pick me up.

It is a painful walk home, and a pretty long one too. When I finally get home, I quietly open the door and close it. I sigh a relief. 

I walk into the kitchen, open the freezer and grab a frozen bag of pees. I carefully apply the pees to my eye in attempt to get the swelling to go down. I lean against the counter and close my eyes.

"Killua.." I hear from behind me, the voice I only know as Allukas. I only then realize I couldn't pick her up from her bus stop.


End file.
